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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27405655">Ties That Bind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilarma/pseuds/Izzyaro'>Izzyaro (Isilarma)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Canon-Typical Violence, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:40:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27405655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilarma/pseuds/Izzyaro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily Prentiss knows that going after Ian Doyle alone could get her killed, but that’s a small price to pay for keeping her team safe. She can’t let them suffer for her mistakes. </p><p>She wasn’t expecting Clyde Easter to find her before she left D.C, but she should have known that he wouldn’t let her go alone.</p><p>She knew that they could take down Ian Doyle. She didn’t know what the price would be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emily Prentiss &amp; Clyde Easter, Emily Prentiss &amp; The BAU Team</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a bit different for me, but I both love and am frustrated by the Doyle Arc and I love Clyde Easter, and this was the incredibly self-indulgent result.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emily leaned against the alley wall. For one too-short minute she allowed the reality of the situation to overwhelm her. She didn't regret leaving the BAU; she couldn't let her past put them at risk, but that didn't make it any easier. They were her family, they would drop everything if they knew that she was in trouble, and she couldn't let them and it hurt more than she ever could have imagined.</p><p>Seeing them dead because of her would hurt more. Emily allowed herself one final shaky breath and straightened. She had work to do.</p><p>"Lovely night, isn't it?"</p><p>Emily's gun was in her hand before she managed to turn, but when the voice registered she kept the gun levelled at her visitor's chest. "Stay right where you are."</p><p>Clyde held up his hands. His eyes didn't leave hers. "I'm not working with Doyle, Em."</p><p>He didn't appear to be lying, but Emily had learned a long time ago never to underestimate Clyde Easter. "You're the only one still alive."</p><p>There was a gun in his face and Clyde of all people knew that she could pull the trigger, but he met her gaze without flinching. "Jeremy sold you out to Doyle. Not me."</p><p>Emily couldn't suppress a gasp. "Jeremy?"</p><p>He was their friend. He and Tsia has been in love. Clyde just nodded. "I have evidence. A money trail. And he was the one responsible for faking your death." He shook his head. "I never betrayed you. I never could."</p><p>Emily wanted to believe him, but that wasn't enough. Clyde's blue eyes narrowed. "Use that big brilliant brain of yours, Em. I would never betray my team." His expression softened ever so slightly. "I would never hurt you."</p><p>A spy didn't last long if they couldn't trust their instincts. It had been a long time, but Emily knew Clyde, knew how he worked, how he fought, how he lied, and there was no lie there now. She finally let the gun fall to her side. "I'm sorry," she began, but Clyde waved off the apology.</p><p>"Understandable. Now, what's your plan?"</p><p>Emily let out a breath. "We take the fight to Doyle." She hesitated, but the question was coming and she couldn't hear it voiced. "I don't want my team involved."</p><p>Clyde nodded, but his eyes didn't leave hers. "You realise that that might not be your decision? They're not going to let you just walk away."</p><p>"I don't care," Emily snapped. "We find him before they do, and we deal with him."</p><p>Whatever it took. He had threatened her family. Clyde held her gaze a minute longer, then flashed her a familiar grin. "Where do we start?"</p><p>Emily tilted her head back to stare up at the night sky. "Boston. We're going to Boston."</p>
<hr/><p>Finding Jack Fahey was easy. Getting information out of him was even easier. Clyde stayed silent in the background, content to let Emily take the lead. She appreciated the courtesy, and his steady presence helped to contain the frustration bubbling within her. He didn't even bat an eyelid when she shot Fahey to keep him out the way.</p><p>"Not to nitpick, darling, but now that you know where Doyle is and how many men he has-"</p><p>"I'm not calling the team," said Emily flatly. "We can handle it."</p><p>Clyde quirked an eyebrow at her. "Very well, but at least let me go first."</p><p>Emily hesitated only a moment before nodding. She was confident in her own skills, but Clyde was a former Marine. If there was fight, and she had no doubt that there would be, then there was no one she would rather have taking point. Clyde relaxed slightly at the confirmation.</p><p>"All right then. Time for some recon."</p><p>It was easy to fall back into old practices. They spent the day scouting Doyle's hideout, and though it had been years since they had worked together it was easy to pick up where they left off. The only difference was that Clyde continued to follow her lead, offering opinions and suggestions, but always leaving the final decision up to her.</p><p>Unfortunately, all their surveillance only proved that Doyle was not currently in residence. The sun was setting when Emily finally gave in.</p><p>"We need to talk to Fahey again."</p><p>Once again, Clyde didn't argue. It wasn't until they were in the car on the way back to the city centre that he finally spoke,</p><p>"I have to ask, darling, how exactly do you planning on ending all this?"</p><p>Emily kept her eyes on the road, but couldn't keep her grip from tightening on the steering wheel. "He's already broken out of North Korea."</p><p>She hated that she was even thinking this way, but they didn't have any other options. Doyle was too dangerous to be kept alive. Clyde just nodded and settled back in his seat. "My thoughts exactly."</p><p>Emily glared at the road. She hated this. She hated every single second of it, but they were here because of her. This was her fight. She had to be the one to end it.</p>
<hr/><p>It was fully dark by the time they arrived back at the bar. Emily checked her phone automatically, and was startled to find a voicemail waiting for her. Clyde followed her gaze.</p><p>"I thought none of your friends had this number."</p><p>An involuntary smile tugged at Emily's lips. "Nothing is impossible where Garcia's concerned."</p><p>Listening to the message was a mistake. Emily's eyes were burning in seconds, and by the time the message ended she couldn't keep the tears from falling. Clyde had resumed staring out the window, giving her what little privacy he could, but he handed her a clean handkerchief without turning. Emily couldn't suppress a choked sob.</p><p>"Really? How do you have a supply of these on the run?"</p><p>"Did you expect me to go without the essentials, darling?" Clyde drawled.</p><p>This time the sob was mixed with a giggle. Clyde gave her time to collect herself before speaking again, "If this doesn't work, everything I have on Doyle will be with your team within the hour."</p><p>Emily stared at him, distress temporarily forgotten. "Those files are classified!"</p><p>Clyde was going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble, but he just shrugged. When he glanced back his eyes were clear. "Perhaps. But if this does go wrong then they have the best chance of finding him. And stopping him."</p><p>Emily held his gaze for a long moment. "Are we doing the right thing?"</p><p>Clyde didn't answer. She didn't need him to. She turned back to the bar and pulled out her gun. "Let's get this over with."</p><p>They had been expecting a fight. Emily approached from the side while Clyde kept his word and took the more dangerous approach. A flashbang grenade took out the terrorists in the car, and Clyde went on ahead while Emily paused for information.</p><p>"I only want Doyle!" she snapped. She levelled her gun at one of the wounded terrorists. "Where's Doyle?"</p><p>"Right here, love."</p><p>Emily spun in time to see Clyde hit the ground. Her own weapon came up, but then two shots slammed into her vest and everything went black.</p>
<hr/><p>If Emily hadn't been tied to a chair she would have kicked herself. All her planning, and they had still walked into a trap. She should have known that Doyle would be expecting them. Now she was a prisoner and her team were in even more danger than before. Sure, Clyde's information would be with them by now, and they would be coming after her, but that just meant that they were walking straight into danger. Emily would never forgive herself if they ended up suffering for her past.</p><p>Just as pressing was her concern for Clyde. Doyle had killed every other member of the team without hesitation. She couldn't live with herself if she had led him into a trap and got him killed. Of course the alternative was that he was in the same situation she was. Getting him captured and tortured wasn't much better, but she would take it.</p><p>No, he had to be alive. Doyle knew how to exact the most pain from his victims. Forcing her to watch Clyde die, or having Clyde watch her die, would give him more satisfaction than executing either of them in private would.</p><p>That line of thought was enough to set bile rising in her stomach, but before Emily could focus a footstep sounded behind her. She didn't need to look to know who it was. She took a deep breath. She was a trained agent, and she knew him better than anybody alive. She could do this.</p><p>It was still all she could do to keep from flinching as his fingers caressed her neck.</p><p>"Where's my ring?"</p><p>"I flushed it."</p><p>"I spent seven years in hell because of that ring." He reached down and started to unbuckle her shirt, and Emily felt a sudden spike of panic. "So now, I'm going to give you another gift. One you won't get rid of so easily."</p><p>Her chest and bra were fully exposed, and now Emily couldn't contain her fear. Banter about tattoos flowed from her lips in an instinctual defence mechanism, but the sight of the branding equipment combined with Doyle's glee was too much. She tried to prepare herself, but nothing could prepare her for the blazing agony or the sound or the stench of burning flesh.</p><p>How long it lasted she didn't know. Time faded into a pain-filled haze. Doyle worked methodically, carving the cursed clover into her flesh with the same attention to detail with which he used to make love to her, until Emily screamed herself hoarse.</p><p>After, the care with which he buttoned her shirt almost hurt more. It took all of Emily's self-control to summon the energy to speak, and longer still to work out what she needed to say.</p><p>"Why are you doing this? Why are you keeping me alive?"</p><p>But even as she asked the question, she knew there was only one thing it could be. Only one thing that he had entrusted to her and no one else. She tried to deflect. Tried to make him want Lauren Reynolds again, but she knew from the start that it wouldn't work. Doyle started the game, and the sick pleasure in his eyes stung too much for her to let it continue.</p><p>"Tell me what you want, Ian."</p><p>Doyle stared down at her. "You know what I want. Who I want."</p><p>Emily glared back. She had no more cards to play, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight. "Then give it your best shot, 'cause I'm not telling you a damn thing."</p><p>Doyle gave the ice-cold smile only his enemies got to see. "Oh no. No, Lauren, Emily, doesn't matter what your name is, I know you. You're far too stubborn far that. You'd rather die than tell me what I need to know."</p><p>Emily didn't give him the satisfaction of an answer, but Doyle didn't seem to need one. He brushed her hair back from her face and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "But then you always did prefer to play games with other people's lives."</p><p>Emily glared at her. "If you lay one hand on any member of my team-"</p><p>"As short-sighted as ever," Doyle interrupted. "Why would I need to go after any of your new team now?"</p><p>Emily frowned, then his wording sank in and she went very cold. "Don't you touch him!"</p><p>"Oh, it's a little late for that," said Doyle. He twitched her shirt aside to admire his handiwork. "Don't worry, love. I still paid far more attention to yours."</p><p>Emily's stomach lurched. "You son of a bitch."</p><p>Clyde wasn't even supposed to be here. He was good enough to evade Doyle's clutches, the fact that he alone of the rest of their team had survived was proof of that, but he had come to help her and now he was being tortured and Emily couldn't stand that. She glared up at Doyle, but the terrorist's eyes were gleaming.</p><p>"Yes," he murmured. "This is going to be fun."</p><p>Nothing Doyle considered fun could possibly be good for her, but Emily refused to let her apprehension show. Doyle turned away, one hand coming up in some sort of signal, and footsteps sounded in the passage behind her. Emily tensed as Liam came into view; he had hated her even before she proved to be a traitor, but he was forgotten as two other thugs shoved Clyde into the room.</p><p>Clyde was a mess. He was barefoot and showing the effects of Doyle's earlier visit; one eye was nearly swollen shut and dried blood from a gash on his temple caked his cheek. The angry red edge of a burn was visible at the neck of his bloody shirt and Emily's own brand throbbed in sympathy, but despite everything his mouth twitched into a familiar smirk as he caught sight of her.</p><p>"What do you think, Em? Still better than Birmingham?"</p><p>The comment was so unexpected and so typically Clyde that a snort escaped before she could help herself. "Anywhere is better than Birmingham." She tilted her head in the direction of the terrorists. "Can't say much for the entertainment though."</p><p>The resulting backhand left her gasping, but it was worth it. Doyle's eyes were flashing, and at his gesture Liam slammed a fist into Clyde's solar plexus. Clyde doubled over, wheezing for breath, and Emily tensed, but the other two men merely took the opportunity to shove him into the chair opposite her. They tied his arms and legs with business-like efficiency and left the room without a word.</p><p>All of Emily's amusement had vanished. Being in this situation was bad enough. Watching a friend suffer alongside her was something else. This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid when she left the BAU behind. She forced her eyes from Clyde and found Doyle watching her.</p><p>"Yes," he murmured. "I told you I knew you."</p><p>Emily's heart skipped a beat. It took all her self-control to meet his gaze. "You never knew me. That's how we beat you."</p><p>Doyle just smiled. "We'll see. But first…"</p><p>Without looking away, he drew his gun and shot Clyde twice in the foot.</p><p>A strangled scream tore from Clyde's throat before he clamped his jaw shut. Emily lurched forward, her bonds cutting into her wrists. "Clyde!"</p><p>Gunshot wounds were bad at the best of times. Bullets of that calibre, at that range... It looked like half his foot had been torn away, and she saw the gleam of bone through the blood before she had to look away. Clyde's own eyes were squeezed shut. For a long moment there was only the harsh rattle of his breathing, then very deliberately his hands unclenched and he raised his head to glare up at Doyle.</p><p>"Again. Had worse in Birmingham."</p><p>Doyle holstered his weapon with a shrug. "Not surprised, it's a shithole. But now you're not going anywhere."</p><p>Emily bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. Doyle had never been stupid. Any escape would be a hell of a lot harder now. Clyde sagged slightly against his bonds, pale with the effort of keeping his pain under control, and Emily swallowed. She knew how Doyle thought. She couldn't let this happen.</p><p>The only thing she could do was buy time. The BAU were looking for them. She just had to give them the chance.</p><p>"What do you want from me, Ian?"</p><p>Clyde frowned, but caught her eye and kept silent. She knew Doyle better than anyone. This was their only chance. Doyle crouched in front of her. "I think you know exactly what I want."</p><p>Emily summoned the smile Lauren had worn while outsmarting rival arms dealers and felt a vicious surge of satisfaction when Doyle's expression flickered. "Nope. Haven't the foggiest."</p><p>Playing dumb was risky, but almost worth it just for the ghost of the smirk that darted across Clyde's face. Doyle's eyes narrowed. "Is that so?"</p><p>Emily nodded. Doyle eyed her a moment longer then abruptly pushed himself upright. Emily tensed, but the expected assault never came.</p><p>Instead, Doyle crossed the room in two long strides to loom over Clyde and Emily's stomach lurched. Not that. She could take anything Doyle handed out, but she couldn't watch him hurt her friend. Clyde himself raised his head, eyes flashing, but Emily couldn't help herself.</p><p>"Ian! I'm the one you want, I'm the one who put you away-"</p><p>"On my orders," said Clyde. His voice was hoarse, but he glared up at Doyle without flinching. "I planned the operation, I showed her how to catch you, and I'm the one who threw you in that hellhole."</p><p>"Shut up, Clyde," Emily hissed, but Doyle silenced them both with a raised hand.</p><p>"I know. I know exactly what each of you did, and believe me, you're both going to pay."</p><p>The words only strengthened Emily's resolve. She had to take his focus off of Clyde. Easier said than done when he was trying to protect her just as much, but she had to try.</p><p>Then Liam handed Doyle a knife.</p><p>Emily froze. She couldn't help it. The malice on Doyle's face as he ran a finger over the gleaming steel rivalled that of the worst of UnSubs. Opposite Clyde had also stilled, his eyes were locked on the blade. A bleak smile touched Doyle's lips.</p><p>"I had a lot of time to think in North Korea," he said. "Lots of time to think about everything I would do once I got out."</p><p>Bile rose in Emily's throat. Clyde's expression didn't change, not even when Doyle reached down to splay a hand across his ribs. "Lots of time to think about how fragile muscles and tendons are. How important they are."</p><p>His voice changed from whimsical to ice cold in the next instant. "And how easy they are to damage."</p><p>Emily's throat was gone dry. She had to swallow hard before she could answer. "You don't have to do this, Ian."</p><p>"No, I don't," Doyle agreed. His fingers were finding the spaces between Clyde's ribs, but his eyes didn't leave hers. "You could stop all of this with one word."</p><p>"Don't even think about it."</p><p>Emily blinked. Clyde's face was pale from pain and blood loss, but there was no trace of concession in his eyes.</p><p>"Clyde-"</p><p>"No, Emily. I knew what I was getting into. So did you."</p><p>Emily opened her mouth, then closed it again. There was nothing she could say to that. Clyde nodded slightly, then squinted up at Doyle. "And you should have paid more attention in Biology."</p><p>"Funny," said Doyle softly. "I always preferred a more hands on approach."</p><p>He brought the knife up to rest between Clyde's ribs. Emily could feel the blood pounding in her ears as Clyde tensed involuntarily, but there was nothing either of them could do. Doyle glanced back at Emily. "Pay attention. You don't want to miss this."</p><p>Then he cut down, and Clyde jerked back in the chair. His jaw clenched as he bit back a scream, and Doyle pressed harder. "Stay still. The more you tense up, the more it will hurt."</p><p>Emily was going to be sick, but she couldn't look away. Blood dripped on to the floor as Doyle sliced through the intercostal muscles, and as Clyde's face twisted in agony she couldn't help herself.</p><p>"Stop this, Ian! Please!"</p><p>Doyle glanced at her and lifted the knife away. His eyes were glittering with satisfaction, but Emily could only focus on Clyde. Clyde, who had hunched over in his chair and was gasping for breath.</p><p>"Clyde? Clyde, look at me?"</p><p>Slowly, Clyde raised his head. The last of the colour had drained from his face, and his attempt at a smile was more terrifying than reassuring. "'m…I'm all right."</p><p>Blood was still pooling on the floor beneath him. Doyle hummed. "Fascinating. One cut, and breathing is already a struggle. Though not painful enough for him to shut up." He shrugged. "Ah well. We have plenty of time to fix that."</p><p>"Go to hell," Clyde spat, but his defiance cost him. Doyle suddenly stamped down on his injured foot, and the time Clyde couldn't stop the scream.</p><p>Emily had worked with Clyde for years. She had stood by his side as they faced down murderers and terrorists. She had watched him be beaten and shot, had seen him fight through injuries that would give anyone pause, but she had never heard him make a noise like that.</p><p>"Clyde!"</p><p>Her own breath was coming in fierce gasps. Everything hurt, and her vision blurred as she stared at Clyde's shaking form as Doyle ground the heel of his boot into his foot. She couldn't do this. She couldn't watch Doyle torture her friend.</p><p>But if she talked about Declan then the truth would come out, and if Doyle knew about Declan then he would burn the world to find his son. Declan's life would be ruined, and everything that Emily had sacrificed so much for would be in vain. Clyde... It made her sick to her stomach, but he had chosen this life. He had said it himself, he had known the risks. Declan was a child. She couldn't put him in danger.</p><p>Emily sucked in a breath. She blinked away the tears before they could fall, and looked up to find Clyde watching her. His eyes were glassy with pain, but there were no demands there. He trusted her. Even now, in this hell they were trapped in with no sign of rescue, he trusted her.</p><p>Doyle shook his head.</p><p>"I'm not even surprised. You're good at sacrificing others for your own cause."</p><p>He raised the knife again. This time Emily had to look away, but nothing could block out Clyde's bitten off cry of pain. She squeezed her eyes shut, then cried out as her head was yanked round.</p><p>"Keep your eyes open," said Doyle lightly. The blade of the knife was still buried in Clyde's chest, and he pressed harder as Emily looked up. "Don't you dare look away."</p><p>Emily bit her lip. Liam let her go and stepped back but she didn't dare look away. Clyde was shaking as Doyle continued to slice through the muscles. He had moved a couple of inches higher up Clyde's chest and Clyde's breathing was a harsh rattle as he tried to stay calm. Doyle finally stepped away and pointed the bloody knife at Emily.</p><p>"Next time you look away, I start cutting things off."</p><p>Emily barely heard him. She could only watch Clyde, who had curled over as best he could to try to relieve the strain on his damaged chest. Doyle followed her gaze.</p><p>"Ah. That is uneven."</p><p>"No," Emily cried, but there was nothing she could do. Doyle moved to Clyde's other side and brought the knife down and Clyde screamed.</p><p>"Stop it!" Emily begged. "Please, Ian!"</p><p>Doyle jerked the knife away with a vicious twist and Clyde collapsed back. Blood oozed from the deep cuts, soaking his shirt and dripping onto the floor to join the growing pool beneath him. Emily had to swallow down a lump in her throat before she could say anything.</p><p>"Clyde?"</p><p>There was no reply. "Clyde!"</p><p>It took Clyde too long to raise his head. The corner of his mouth twitched, but when he tried to speak it degenerated into a fit of hacking coughs. His body convulsed as the movement aggravated his injuries, leaving him coughing harder and harder until Emily was sure he was going to pass out.</p><p>"Breathe, Clyde! Please! You can get through this!"</p><p>The awful coughing finally trailed off, but Clyde's lips were blue as he tried to take deep enough breaths. Emily leaned forward as best she could. "Deep breaths, Clyde. You can do this."</p><p>She did her best to keep her voice calm, but couldn't quite stop it from shaking. Clyde managed to meet her eyes for a split-second before his head fell forward, and her heartrate doubled. Doyle smirked as he wiped blood from the knife. "You never did like knives, Lauren. Looks like nothing's changed." He leaned in close to Clyde. "You should have sent in someone with a stronger stomach."</p><p>Clyde ignored him. He was taking as careful breaths as he could manage, but Emily could see that it wasn't enough. Doyle looked between the two of them, his smile growing.</p><p>"Not so talkative now. Finally." He sauntered over to Emily. "Now. Who did you tell about Declan?"</p><p>Emily froze. Opposite, Clyde's breathing hitched. Emily shot him a concerned look, but Doyle's eyes narrowed. He looked between the two of them, and his smile turned shark-like. "I see," he murmured. He crouched next to Emily. "He doesn't know, does he? You never told him."</p><p>It took everything Emily had to keep her face blank. Doyle pushed himself to his feet. "I think I should leave you two to talk."</p><p>Emily gritted her teeth. This was a conversation she had spent years trying to avoid, but it was a conversation during which Doyle wouldn't be hurting Clyde, so she said nothing. Doyle jerked his head and Liam left the room. Doyle himself paused by Clyde. "Just how well do you know her?"</p><p>He clapped Clyde on the shoulder, eliciting a sharp hiss, and sauntered after Liam. Emily waited until his footsteps faded before refocusing on Clyde.</p><p>"Are you okay?"</p><p>Slowly, Clyde raised his head. "Declan? The...the housekeeper's son?"</p><p>Emily's mouth went bone dry. Clyde looked terrible, but the familiar spark was back in his eyes. "What did you do, Em?"</p><p>Emily swallowed hard. "Clyde, I-I need you to trust me. Please."</p><p>Clyde held her gaze for a long time. The irony of what she was asking sat bitter on Emily's tongue. She hadn't trusted Clyde with Declan and she hadn't trusted him not to have betrayed them to Doyle, and yet here she was, begging him to trust her. He was the one being tortured, but she couldn't tell him about Declan, not here, not where Doyle was sure to be listening. She could only pray that he would give her this chance.</p><p>Finally, Clyde let his head fall forward.</p><p>"I don't appear to have much choice."</p><p>His voice was barely above a whisper, and she could see the effort it cost him in the shaky breath he sucked in after, but it meant everything. His faith in her was humbling, and it fired her flagging spirits.</p><p>"We're going to get through this," she said fiercely. "I promise, Clyde. I'll get us out of this."</p><p>She had got them in this mess. She wouldn't let anyone else die for her mistakes.</p>
<hr/><p>The next hour passed in silence. Clyde didn't have the breath to waste talking, and there was nothing Emily could say. Neither of them were in good shape. The clover brand on her chest burned with every breath, but Clyde's lips were still tinged blue, and blood was still oozing from both his chest and his ruined foot. His breathing grew steadily more laboured as time passed, and when his head lolled forward Emily finally couldn't help herself.</p><p>"Clyde? You still with me?"</p><p>Clyde managed an indistinct noise, but didn't move. Emily swallowed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.</p><p>That got a response. Slowly, Clyde blinked up at her. "Don't."</p><p>"Clyde-"</p><p>"No. Doyle did this." His jaw clenched as another shudder wracked his body. "Focus. Or we're in trouble."</p><p>Emily swallowed down another apology and nodded. They would talk once this was over.</p><p>For a long time there was silence but for the sound of Clyde struggling to breathe. Emily kept a close eye on him, her concern rising with every passing minute, but Clyde was still conscious even if he was moving as little as possible. The effort wasn't helped by their surroundings; the room seemed to be getting colder and Emily found herself shivering. She had no idea how long they had been held captive, but her throat was bone dry and exhaustion was combining with pain to make it difficult to stay alert.</p><p>So Doyle seemingly materialising out of nowhere was nearly enough to give her a heart attack. She jerked upright, forcing her expression as blank as possible, only to be distracted when Clyde barely stirred. Her heartrate shot up again, but she didn't dare draw attention to his condition with Doyle standing right in front of them.</p><p>Unfortunately, Doyle saw it anyway. His mouth curled into an unpleasant smirk.</p><p>"Oh dear. He doesn't look so good."</p><p>Emily gritted her teeth. Doyle's smirk widened, and he dropped a heavy hand onto Clyde's shoulder. A low groan escaped Clyde's lips, and he raised his head. He stared blearily up at Doyle.</p><p>"You...you like groping me far too much."</p><p>Emily could only stare. Even Doyle looked taken aback. Clyde sucked in a breath. "Should have gone in myself...'stead of asking her."</p><p>"Clyde," Emily hissed, but the damage was done. Doyle's face flushed with rage and he slammed a vicious punch into Clyde's chest. Clyde doubled over, fighting desperately for breath, but Doyle followed up with another blow that sent Clyde's chair toppling back. He hit the floor with a crash and a strangled scream then abruptly went silent.</p><p>"Clyde!"</p><p>Emily could barely breathe with fear. Clyde wasn't moving. She couldn't even tell if he was breathing. Doyle stared down, eyes flashing, then rubbed a hand over his face. He took a minute to control his temper, then bent down to haul Clyde upright.</p><p>Clyde was out cold. Part of Emily was relieved that he wasn't in pain any more, but fear burned more fiercely. A head injury was the absolute last thing Clyde needed. Doyle's jaw clenched as he laid two fingers against Clyde's neck, then he shook his head.</p><p>"He's a tough one. If he gets medical treatment soon, he might actually make it."</p><p>A bitter laugh tore from Emily's lips. "Don't give me that. You were never planning on letting either of us live."</p><p>Doyle canted his head to one side. "I don't know. The leader of the team being the sole survivor, knowing everyone who trusted him is dead... Has a certain poetic justice to it, don't you think?"</p><p>Emily bit her lip. That would kill Clyde as surely as Doyle would, but she couldn't just sit and watch him die right in front of her. There had to be another option. She glared at the floor, mind racing. Hours had passed. The team was looking for her. They had Clyde's files, they had a profile of Doyle, and they had Garcia. They would find her.</p><p>They might not find her fast enough to save Clyde.</p><p>There was one option remaining. It was risky, there was a good chance that Doyle would kill her, but it was the only plan she had. She closed her eyes, and let some of the emotion of the past hours leak into her voice.</p><p>"Promise me you won't kill him."</p><p>She felt Doyle's eyes lock on her, a predator finally sensing the end of the hunt. "No request for yourself?"</p><p>Emily's heart was pounding hard enough to hurt as she looked up. "Just him. Please."</p><p>Doyle looked down at her, pale eyes gleaming with triumph. Emily took a shaky breath. "Take me to where he died. I wanna see it."</p><p>Doyle held her gaze for what seemed like an age before reaching down to slice through the bonds at her wrists and ankles. Emily closed her eyes, but didn't dare let herself relax. She stretched out her sore limbs, but when she started to rise Doyle stilled her with a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>"He comes with us."</p><p>"What?" Emily demanded. "But you said-"</p><p>"Call it insurance. Fight back, fight in any way, and I put a bullet in his brain."</p><p>Emily shot a look at Clyde. He still hadn't stirred, but moving him with that many injuries, on a ruined foot could kill him. If blood loss didn't do it, shock might.</p><p>There was only one thing she could do, and it was crazy and stupid and she refused to let herself think about it. She launched herself up, the top of her head colliding with Doyle's chin, and the two of them hit the ground in a tangle of limbs.</p><p>It wasn't a fair fight. Doyle was in peak condition, with seven years of rage fuelling him. Emily was exhausted and injured, her chest burned with every movement and she could barely see straight with dehydration, but the one thing she could see was Clyde. Clyde, who had trusted her and suffered for it. If she failed now, Doyle would kill him. It was as simple as that.</p><p>The fight was vicious. Emily used every dirty trick her bodyguards, and Clyde, and Morgan, and everyone else had ever taught her. Doyle gave an animalistic scream as her nails found his eye, but he caught her by the hair and slammed her against the wall hard enough that she saw stars. Only a lucky kick that caught his kneecap gave her a reprieve, and the two separated for a moment, both breathing heavily.</p><p>"You're a dead woman," Doyle snarled. He lunged forward, and Emily wasn't able to dodge in time before he slammed her to the ground. His hands tightened round her throat. "And then I'm going to take your friend and I'm going to carve him to pieces."</p><p>Her vision was blurring, but his words struck like a lightning bolt. She summoned every last ounce of strength and brought her knee up and Doyle jerked back with a grunt. Emily didn't waste the opportunity, and her follow up kick landed solidly in his groin.</p><p>"Bitch," he spat, but anything else he might have said degenerated into a groan when she brought both fists round to slam into his temple. He stumbled back, fumbling for the gun at his waist, and Emily desperately lunged forward.</p><p>For a split-second her hands closed over his on the weapon, then it went off. Something slammed into her stomach, leaving her breathless, but it only made her fight harder and she drove a knee into his gut. Doyle doubled over with a groan and his grip loosened just enough that Emily was able to redirect the barrel of the gun.</p><p>When it went off again it was Doyle who stumbled back. His eyes widened as he looked down at the blood spreading across his shirt, but Emily knew him too well to take chances. She aimed and fired and Doyle hit the floor with a bullet in his brain.</p><p>For a long moment, Emily thought he would get up again. His cold eyes seemed to stare into hers. Doyle had haunted her for so long, had always seemed so unstoppable, and now he lay dead on the floor, by her hand, and Emily could barely take it in. It was too much, and so overwhelming that she could barely breathe, and everything hurt and she couldn't even begin to process what had happened. It was too much.</p><p>A rasping breath echoed in the silence, and Emily jerked as if she had been shot.</p><p>"Clyde."</p><p>He was hurt, he could be dying, and she was standing there staring at a dead man. She spun round, then found herself stumbling as her vision greyed at the edges. "Wha-"</p><p>Then she saw the blood on the floor, far away from Doyle, and looked down to see a dark stain spreading across her shirt. For a second she stared at it, mind refusing to work, then she remembered the gunshot and groaned.</p><p>"Oh. Fuck."</p><p>It was starting to hurt now, a fierce throbbing that was spreading through her abdomen, but Clyde was still and silent in the chair and she had got him into this and she couldn't let him down. Not now. She took a step forward, then another, until she could catch hold of his chair for support.</p><p>"Clyde?"</p><p>Her hand was shaking as she reached up to cup his cheek. His skin was cold and clammy and he didn't stir when she tilted his chin up, and Emily couldn't hold back a sob. "Damn it, Clyde."</p><p>This was bad. Really, really bad. Emily felt her knees buckle, and gripped the back of the chair hard enough that her knuckles turned white. She couldn't give up now. Giving up now would get them both killed, but there was no way she could get Clyde out like this. She didn't know how many men Doyle had, or how long it would take to get out, but even uninjured she couldn't carry Clyde and fight at the same time. In her present state, with spots dancing before her eyes…</p><p>Gunshots echoed in the distance, and Emily brought the gun up before she consciously registered what she was doing. If her team had found her, if they were here, then someone would be coming for Doyle.</p><p>Sure enough, there was the sound of running footsteps and Liam appeared in the doorway, but he didn't even have time to shout before Emily put a bullet between his eyes. Despite the gun going off right next to him, Clyde didn't stir, and the pain in Emily's stomach faded into an ice-cold rush of determination. No one would touch him again.</p><p>More gunshots rang out, closer this time, and Emily didn't dare let herself relax. Not until she saw her team. Not until she knew she was safe.</p><p>She was so on edge that she nearly missed the SWAT team announcing themselves. Only the familiar sight of the tactical vests stayed her hand, and then the gun suddenly felt so impossibly heavy she couldn't hold it straight.</p><p>"Agent Prentiss? We're here to get you out."</p><p>They were here, she was safe, but she couldn't stop. Not yet. Someone caught her arm, but she shook her head. "Clyde," she rasped. "He needs help. He's bleeding, head injury, he was having trouble breathing…"</p><p>"It's okay, we've got him. He's going to be fine."</p><p>Emily didn't, couldn't believe him, but now that the adrenaline rush had faded pain and exhaustion were making themselves known and she found herself swaying.</p><p>"Agent Prentiss?"</p><p>The grip on her arm tightened, but it wasn't enough and Emily stumbled sideways, but then someone was there and a familiar voice echoed in her ears.</p><p>"Easy there, Prentiss, I got you."</p><p>Emily sagged into Morgan's arms as he lowered her gently to the floor. Everything hurt, but she couldn't stop, not yet. "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry."</p><p>She knew her teammates, she knew how much it took Derek to trust someone and she had completely betrayed that trust, but Morgan was shaking his head. "No, Emily, no. I know what you did and why, and I understand."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"We know about Declan, Emily. We know what you did, and I am so, so proud of you."</p><p>Emily stared up at him, and at his words and the warmth in his dark eyes something broke. She was vaguely aware of Morgan calling her name as everything descended into darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emily realises that taking down Ian Doyle was the easy part.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emily woke to the sound of beeping. She was vaguely aware of regaining consciousness in recovery before, and being reassured that her surgery had gone well, but everything after that was a blur. She must have fallen asleep on the way back up to the ward. Everything was pleasantly fuzzy, and for a moment she allowed herself to bask in the sensation, then the events of the previous days hit her with the force of a freight train and she jerked up.</p>
<p>Big mistake. Pain shot through her abdomen and her chest burned and she couldn't hold back a gasp, but even as she sagged sideways a gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. You're okay, Emily, you're okay."</p>
<p>Emily blinked up until the blur resolved into the familiar face of her friend. "Rossi."</p>
<p>"Yeah, kid," said Rossi softly. "I'm right here."</p>
<p>Emily sank back against the pillows. It didn't do much for the pain radiating through her body, but there were more important things to deal with. "I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry I left."</p>
<p>Rossi gave her a small smile, and Emily's heart clenched at the lines of worry carved deep into face. He still hadn't let go of her hand. "It's okay," he said softly. "You left to keep us safe. It worked." His grip tightened a little on her hand. "But please, don't ever do that again."</p>
<p>Emily's eyes burned, and Rossi gave her a moment to wipe away the tears. She didn't deserve friends like these. "Everyone's okay?"</p>
<p>"We're all fine," Rossi assured her. "And Doyle and his men are dead."</p>
<p>Emily nodded, but her stomach was beginning to churn again. Knowing her team was safe was a weight off her mind, but now there was nothing to distract her from the remaining burning question. "What about Clyde? Agent Easter? Is he…?"</p>
<p>Fear kept her from finishing the question. After everything they had been through, if he hadn't made it… The bleeping from the monitor accelerated, and Rossi squeezed her hand.</p>
<p>"He's okay," he said, and Emily couldn't suppress a sob as relief overwhelmed her. She let her head fall back against the pillow, not caring that it made her stomach ache. Clyde was alive. That was all that mattered.</p>
<p>Then she realised that Rossi still looked worried, and all the concern came flooding back. "How is he? Please, Dave."</p>
<p>Rossi sighed. "I don't know. Really," he said, when Emily frowned. "We're not family, and he's a British citizen. They've no reason to give us access to his medical information."</p>
<p>Emily bit her lip hard. Rossi gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "He's on the Critical Care Unit. He's on a ventilator, but he's stable. Hopefully once he wakes we'll be able to find out more."</p>
<p>Emily burned to ask if Penelope had been able to find anything out, but she forced the question down. She respected Clyde too much for that. Rossi sighed again. "He is okay, Emily, and he's safe. Focus on that."</p>
<p>Emily looked away. "Doyle tortured him to hurt me," she whispered. It was still enough to make her feel sick. "The things he was doing to him…"</p>
<p>"I know," said Rossi quietly. "We saw. But you made sure that Doyle can never hurt him, or anyone else again."</p>
<p>Tears burned at her eyes, and she had to squeeze them shut. "But it still happened," she forced out. "I need… If he doesn't make it…"</p>
<p>"Hey, none of that," Rossi interrupted. "He's alive, he's getting treatment, and he's going to be okay. Look at me, Emily."</p>
<p>Emily did so, and the compassion in his eyes was too much to bear. Rossi cupped her cheek. "This wasn't your fault. I'm sure Clyde will say exactly the same thing."</p>
<p>He would, and that thought on top of everything else was too much. Rossi drew her into a gentle hug and Emily buried her face in his shoulder. After the last few days, weeks, she finally let it all go, and Rossi rubbed gentle circles on her back until her sobs finally eased.</p>
<p>"It's okay," he said. "It's all gonna be okay."</p>
<p>Finally, the storm of emotion ended. Emily leaned against Rossi, utterly exhausted, until he helped her sit back against the pillows.</p>
<p>"Y'know, there's one thing you still haven't asked about."</p>
<p>Emily's heart leapt, but before she could work out who it was that she had forgotten Rossi was shaking her head. "Emily, you were hurt too."</p>
<p>Her wounds throbbed at the reminder, and Emily felt her cheeks heat up. "Oh. Right. But I'm okay?"</p>
<p>Rossi gave her a fondly exasperated look. "You got shot in the stomach. The bullet nicked the bowel and the liver. You were lucky to avoid major damage."</p>
<p>"But I did, so-"</p>
<p>"And there's that brand."</p>
<p>The clover burned at the reminder. Emily had to resist the urge to rub her chest. "That's nothing," she managed. "He didn't…It's nothing."</p>
<p>Rossi's dark eyes narrowed, but that wasn't something Emily could talk about right now, and she kept talking before he could say anything, "Where are the others?"</p>
<p>She could see various jackets strewn about the room, and she knew her friends well enough to know that they would need to speak to her before they believed she was okay, but she had only seen Rossi so far. Rossi eyed her for a moment, but accepted the subject change. "Coffee run. Certain people were getting antsy."</p>
<p>Emily managed a smile at that. Rossi took her hand again. "Are you all right, Emily? Really?"</p>
<p>Emily bit down the automatic reply and thought about it. She was hurt, and Clyde was hurt, and the two of them had a hell of a lot to talk about, but they were alive. They would get through this. She took a deep breath and squeezed Rossi's hand. "I will be."</p>
<p>Rossi's face creased into a faint smile, but before she could say anything there was the sound of voices in the hallway and Emily barely had time to straighten before the door opened and the rest of her friends appeared.</p>
<p>"Emily!"</p>
<p>"You're awake!"</p>
<p>The next few minutes were a blur of apologies and tears. Garcia was distraught and JJ was there, somehow, and Reid was quiet and confused and Hotch was doing his best to remain his usual stoic self but the cracks were visible to anyone who knew him well. Only Morgan was anywhere near approaching normal, and even that was pushing things.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," said Emily, for what felt like the dozenth time, "I'm so sorry. I never meant-"</p>
<p>"Hey, we get it," said Garcia. She hadn't let go of Emily's other hand since getting back. "You were trying to protect us and I'm still so, so mad, but I know you didn't feel like you had a choice, and I'm just really glad you're here now."</p>
<p>"She's right," said Reid. Emily blinked at him, and he met her gaze with a shaky smile. "I wish you had told us, but you're safe. That's all that matters now."</p>
<p>Emily swallowed, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. She didn't deserve people like this in her life. Morgan squeezed her shoulder. "I told you. We know why you did what you did. You don't need to apologise to us."</p>
<p>"Not at all," JJ agreed. She had taken Rossi's place at Emily's other side. Emily gave her a shaky smile, and finally let her eyes fall on the one person who had yet to say anything.</p>
<p>Hotch stepped forward. His dark eyes softened, and he moved past JJ to take her hand. "You should have told us," he said, "but we do understand. We just wish we could have been there for you."</p>
<p>Emily was too overcome to speak. Hotch squeezed her fingers, his dark eyes softening. "You'll be transferred to Bethesda as soon as the doctors finish the paperwork here."</p>
<p>Emily's stomach lurched. "What about Clyde?"</p>
<p>"He's coming too," said Hotch. He raised an eyebrow at the relieved breath that escaped her. "You didn't think we would leave him behind, did you?"</p>
<p>Emily wasn't sure what she had been thinking. The very idea of being separated from Clyde before they had the chance to talk had been enough to set her panicking. Morgan caught her eye and shook his head. "Emily, he was there for you when none of us could be. If there's something we can do for him, you can bet your life we'll do it."</p>
<p>Emily stared round at her team, her friends, and despite everything that had happened she finally felt herself relax. Her team had forgiven her, even though she didn't deserve it, and Clyde would be all right. Maybe things would work out after all. Hotch caught her eye and nodded.</p>
<p>"One more thing. I've been in contact with Interpol, but the staff here are asking if there's anyone they should contact for him."</p>
<p>Emily hesitated. Clyde was notoriously private, but she was surrounded by profilers, and more importantly Garcia, and she had to say something. "His father died when he was very young," she said slowly. "His mom… They're not close."</p>
<p>That was the understatement of the century. Clyde's relationship with his remaining family made hers look like a Hallmark movie. Various narrowed eyes and concerned looks told her that the point had been made, and she shook her head. "He's got no other family. I think his mom remarried, but like I said, Clyde never talked about them."</p>
<p>"All right," said Hotch, then he paused. "And I assume-"</p>
<p>"Don't you dare call my mother," said Emily in horror. That was the absolute last thing she needed. Snickers sounded from her friends, and Hotch's face relaxed into a faint smile.</p>
<p>"I'll leave that one for you to handle."</p>
<p>"Thanks," said Emily dryly, but she found herself smiling properly for what felt like the first time in days. Garcia squeezed her hand, and JJ and Reid exchanged smiles, and Emily let herself breathe. She didn't know what she had done to deserve friends like these, but they would get through this. Together.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The trip to Bethesda was efficient, but as uncomfortable as Emily had been expecting. The main problem was that she and Clyde had been transferred separately, and Emily hadn't had a chance to visit before the trip, and by the time she was settled in her new hospital room her concern was becoming overwhelming.</p>
<p>"Come on, Emily. Out with it."</p>
<p>There was no point in trying to hide anything from a profiler, but Emily was too worried to be annoyed by it. "I need to see Clyde."</p>
<p>Derek and Penelope exchanged looks. "He's still in the ICU, Emily," said Penelope gently. "He's not even awake yet."</p>
<p>"I know," said Emily. "But I need to see him." Her chest ached, and she had to take a moment. "The last time I saw him…"</p>
<p>She knew he was safe, she knew he was recovering, but she wouldn't be able to believe it until she saw it for herself. Derek's jaw clenched.</p>
<p>"I get it." He looked at Penelope again, then rose to his feet. "I'll talk to the nurses."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Emily whispered.</p>
<p>Derek smiled and left the room, and Penelope shifted closer to take her hand. "He will be okay, Emily. They're taking really good care of him."</p>
<p>"I know that," Emily insisted, "but I watched Doyle carve him up like a Thanksgiving turkey."</p>
<p>"Emily," Penelope began, but Emily was too lost in memories to hear her.</p>
<p>"Doyle shot him and then stamped on the wound." She had had far too much time to think about all the implications of what Doyle had done to him. "He must have broken bones. And it was an open wound, if it got infected… And he hit his head, he was out cold-"</p>
<p>"Emily!" Penelope finally got out. "He's okay."</p>
<p>Emily fell silent, but her heart was pounding hard enough to make her bruised ribs scream. Penelope squeezed her hands in both of hers. "He's okay," she repeated. "He has a skull fracture but it didn't need surgery and they're only keeping him asleep just in case, but they did operate on his foot as soon as they could. They've cleaned it out and there's no sign of infection yet but they're keeping a really close eye on it and they're planning on sorting out the bones as soon as they're sure it's all okay."</p>
<p>Emily stared at her, but Penelope wasn't finished, "And they took care of the stab wounds at the same time and there's a lot of damage to the muscles but he will heal and he just needs to watch out for a chest infection, but as long as he takes enough painkillers that he can take deep breaths he should be fine and we'll make sure that he follows all the doctors' instructions to the letter..." She trailed off as she noticed Emily staring at her. "What?"</p>
<p>"I thought we weren't allowed to know how he was doing?"</p>
<p>Penelope bit her lip. "I did a thing. I know," she said, when Emily stared, "but he looked really bad and you were so worried and so I just took a quick peek."</p>
<p>Emily shook her head, but she couldn't bring herself to be too upset. She had been worried. "He's really okay?"</p>
<p>Penelope relaxed, a warm smile touching her face. "He will be."</p>
<p>Emily sagged back against the pillows. Not knowing had been nearly as bad as being in that room. Penelope watched her. "You really care about him."</p>
<p>"He's my friend," said Emily quietly. "And if I'd trusted him from the start this might never have happened." Penelope frowned, and Emily forced a smile. "I know I can't change what happened, but it still feels like it's my fault."</p>
<p>Penelope's lips pursed. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you weren't the one, what was it, carving him up like a turkey." Emily opened her mouth, but Penelope didn't give her a chance to interrupt, "Ian Doyle is the only one to blame here. Okay, you two do have a lot to talk about, but none of this is your fault."</p>
<p>Emily looked down. She knew that. She knew Doyle better than anyone. Until she heard it from Clyde though, it wouldn't be enough.</p>
<p>"I thought I was watching him die," she whispered. "Doyle said…"</p>
<p>Doyle's voice rang in her ears, but then she was swept up into a fierce embrace. "I'm so sorry you both had to go through that," Penelope whispered. "But he's alive and he's safe and that's because of you. You saved him, Emily."</p>
<p>Surrounded by the warmth of Penelope's love, Emily let herself sob into her friend's chest. Penelope stroked her hair gently. "It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay."</p>
<p>Emily had done more crying in the last two days than she had in ten years, but she couldn't help it. The last few days had been too much. Penelope continued to murmur soothing noises until Emily finally drew back.</p>
<p>"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm a mess."</p>
<p>Penelope arched an eyebrow at her. "Gee, I wonder why?" She brushed Emily's hair back from her face. "But I suppose I can forgive you."</p>
<p>Emily snorted out a laugh, then straightened as Derek reappeared with a wheelchair. "Does that mean-"</p>
<p>"Only if you promise to be back in ten minutes," said Derek. "So let's get going."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Emily breathed. She shouldn't have been surprised. If anyone could pull that off, it was Derek Morgan.</p>
<p>Getting into the wheelchair hurt, but under the circumstances Emily couldn't care less. She caught her breath while Derek wheeled her through the corridors to the ICU, where a stern nurse met them by a side room.</p>
<p>"Five minutes only," she said sharply. Her expression softened slightly as she looked at Emily. "He's still out, so don't expect anything, but he might be able to hear you."</p>
<p>"Thank you," said Emily. Derek echoed the thanks and the nurse held the door open for them. Another nurse sat in the corner making notes on a computer, but Emily could only focus on Clyde.</p>
<p>Clyde looked dreadful. The bruises on his face had blossomed over the last two days, and the bandages on his chest were just visible at the neck of his gown. His foot was hooked up to a vacuum drain and propped up on a pillow, but the part that made Emily's stomach ache was the tube sticking out of his mouth and connecting him to a ventilator.</p>
<p>"Damn," Derek murmured. He pushed Emily over to the bed without being asked and stepped back. "I'll be back in a few."</p>
<p>Emily gave him a small smile. The door closed, and she reached over to take Clyde's hand, careful of the various cannulas. "Hey, Clyde."</p>
<p>His skin was cool to the touch. Emily looked him over, at the bruises on his face and arms, and the knowledge of what lay beneath the gown made her eyes burn. She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>If she had just trusted him, if she had talked to her team, if they had all been just a little bit faster…</p>
<p>"He will be all right."</p>
<p>Emily started. The nurse hadn't moved from the corner, but he was watching her with clear sympathy. "His injuries are serious, but they aren't life-threatening. He's managed to avoid any complications from the head injury. If he remains stable, we should be able to try weaning him off the vent tomorrow."</p>
<p>Emily let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. "And…his foot? His chest?"</p>
<p>The nurse pulled a face. "His foot is going to need further surgery, and he'll need to be diligent with his painkillers to prevent a chest infection, but he should make a full recovery."</p>
<p>Emily sagged back into the chair. Garcia had told her as much, but a medical professional confirming it was a weight off her mind. "Thank you," she whispered.</p>
<p>The nurse smiled and turned back to the computer, and Emily refocused on Clyde. Most people looked younger when they slept, but the anaesthetic couldn't erase the lines of pain and stress carved deep into his face. Emily imagined she didn't look much better. She squeezed Clyde's hand again, wishing she could feel him squeeze back, but his hand was still and cold in hers and she drew in a shaky breath.</p>
<p>He would be okay. He would be awake soon. They could talk. She didn't know how it would go, or what would happen afterwards, but it had to be done. It was the least he deserved.</p>
<p>There was a soft footstep, and Derek's voice sounded over the sound of the monitors.</p>
<p>"Sorry, Emily."</p>
<p>Emily sighed. She leaned forward, heedless of the pain that lanced through her stomach, and pressed a kiss to Clyde's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow," she whispered.</p>
<p>She felt Derek's eyes on her as he pushed her back to the ward, but he said nothing and she loved him for it. He helped settle her back into the bed, and lingered while she tried to get comfortable. Emily was glad for the company, Penelope had gone to get coffee, but there was only so long she could bear his gaze.</p>
<p>"What is it?"</p>
<p>Derek sighed. "You need to be careful. You're hurt too."</p>
<p>He wasn't the first person to tell her that, and she knew he was right, but she couldn't find it in her to care. She was awake, and the doctors were pleased with her progress. Compared to Clyde…</p>
<p>"Emily. You know he wouldn't want you to jeopardise your recovery."</p>
<p>Emily opened her mouth, then closed it again. Sometimes she hated profilers. Emily rested a hand on her shoulder. "Look, I don't know Clyde Easter, but I do know he was willing to face down terrorists and psychopaths for you. Hurting yourself isn't what he would want."</p>
<p>"I'm not," Emily insisted. "I feel fine."</p>
<p>Derek just looked at her. Emily shifted under the scrutiny. Okay, maybe it was time to take the painkillers the nurse had been talking about. Clyde…Clyde had always made sure they stuck to their treatment plans, even if he was terrible at following his own. She sighed, and closed her eyes. "I'll be more careful. I just need to talk to him."</p>
<p>There was a sigh, and the chair creaked as Derek took a seat next to her. "I get it. Really." He gave a soft huff. "Actually, quite a few people are keen on talking to him."</p>
<p>Emily managed a smile at that. "I'll warn you now, he can be the most annoying man you've ever met."</p>
<p>Derek snorted. "You realise I've worked with Reid for nearly a decade, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, but Clyde does it on purpose. It's one of his favourite tactics." She pulled a face. "What makes it even worse is that it works."</p>
<p>Derek leaned back in his chair with a chuckle. "You'll have to tell me more about that. After you've got some rest."</p>
<p>Emily rolled her eyes, but couldn't find either the energy, nor desire to argue. She closed her eyes and, safe in the knowledge that Derek wasn't going anywhere, was asleep in seconds.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Emily was trying to pay attention to the dietitian. She really was. She knew she was going to be on a light diet for a few days, which was fine because it was better than the liquid one she'd been managing since her surgery, and she knew that she would have to eat smaller portions, and drink more fluids, and a dozen other things, but try as she might, her mind kept drifting.</p>
<p>"Agent Prentiss?"</p>
<p>"Sorry," said Emily, not for the first time. The woman raised an eyebrow, and Emily sighed. "My friend's coming off the ventilator today."</p>
<p>The dietitian's eyes softened slightly. "I understand, but this is important. You won't be able to see your friend until he's been fully assessed and the doctors have had a chance to talk him through everything, so you might as well focus on your own recovery for now."</p>
<p>She was right. That didn't make it easier.</p>
<p>Still, Emily did manage to pay enough attention to satisfy her. It was exhausting though, and once the dietitian left with a warning that the physiotherapist would be by in the afternoon Emily let her head fall back against the pillows. She ached to see Clyde, but he wasn't ready yet. All she could do was wait.</p>
<p>There was a light knock, and Emily looked up to find Hotch at the door.</p>
<p>"Can I come in?"</p>
<p>"Of course!" She waved him to the chair next to the bed. "Is everything okay?"</p>
<p>"We're all fine," Hotch promised. "But it's likely we'll be called away tomorrow, and I wanted to talk to you before then."</p>
<p>From his tone of voice she gathered that it wouldn't be a casual talk, and Emily suppressed a flinch with an effort. This was not the kind of distraction she had been looking for, but Hotch was here now, and there was no getting around him.</p>
<p>"Is this about me going after Doyle?"</p>
<p>To her surprise, Hotch shook his head. "Don't worry about that right now."</p>
<p>Emily stared at him. She had gone rogue. She had broken a dozen regulations, and she didn't regret it in the slightest, but she had known there would be consequences. Hotch wasn't the kind of person that could let that go, but even as she tried to find words his expression softened.</p>
<p>"You had your reasons. Ones even Strauss can understand. There will be a review, but you need to concentrate on healing first."</p>
<p>Emily managed a slight smile. That was one conversation she was happy to put off a bit longer. "Okay, so…"</p>
<p>Hotch sighed. "Have you talked to anyone about what Doyle did to you?"</p>
<p>This time Emily couldn't help the flinch. She'd prefer the disciplinary talk. "It was nothing compared to what he did to Clyde," she said bitterly. "Every time Doyle looked at me Clyde would…"</p>
<p>She trailed off, unable to finish the statement. Hotch's lips thinned as he caught her meaning. "And I'll be sure to thank him for that, but you're avoiding the subject."</p>
<p>'Hotch-"</p>
<p>"He tortured you, Emily. And not just by hurting your friend."</p>
<p>Emily snapped her jaw shut. She didn't want to talk about that, but Hotch was undeterred. "I know it's difficult. I didn't want to talk about Foyet either."</p>
<p>Emily stared at him, anger dying a quick death. Even a year later, Hotch still didn't talk about what Foyet had done to him. Hotch met her gaze steadily. "You don't have to talk now," he said softly. "Or to me. But please, talk to someone."</p>
<p>Emily looked away, unable to hold his gaze. The burns on her chest stung under the bandages, and she brought a hand up to them before she could help herself. Hotch followed her gaze, and his eyes narrowed. "Does it hurt?"</p>
<p>"Not as much as my stomach," said Emily, after a moment. "At least, not when I'm not thinking about it."</p>
<p>She attempted a smile, but it faded quickly. She reached for her PCA, as much to avoid Hotch's scrutiny as anything else, and sighed as the morphine hit her system. The throbbing eased a little as the minutes passed, and finally Emily rubbed her eyes.</p>
<p>"He kept calling me Lauren."</p>
<p>Hotch said nothing, but she could feel his attention on him. It was easier to keep staring as the ceiling as she tried to work out her thoughts. "That was my undercover name. That's who he fell in love with. And that's the name he used while he was…" She shuddered and continued, "And afterwards, he was gentle."</p>
<p>"He knew how to make it hurt the most," said Hotch quietly. His hand found hers, and Emily gripped it tight.</p>
<p>"He thought he knew me. He thought I'd choose my life over Clyde's, and I couldn't stop him."</p>
<p>"Except you didn't choose your life," said Hotch. "You chose Declan's."</p>
<p>Emily's eyes burned, and tears fell when she closed them. It had been the right choice, the only choice she could make, but until she spoke to Clyde, until she could explain to him, she couldn't help feeling like Doyle had won.</p>
<p>There was a sigh, and Hotch squeezed her fingers.</p>
<p>"I spoke to the nurses," he said. "They're weaning Easter off the ventilator now. Depending on how he wakes up, he should be able to talk this afternoon."</p>
<p>Emily's heart leapt, but Hotch wasn't finished, "But I think the Interpol staff will want to see him first."</p>
<p>Ice flooded Emily's stomach. "Interpol staff?"</p>
<p>That did not sound good. Hotch's expression turned grim. "They arrived this morning. Easter wasn't exactly authorised to act in the way he did."</p>
<p>"But if he hadn't we'd both be dead," said Emily hotly.</p>
<p>"I know that, and I've made sure that they do too, but that doesn't change the fact that he broke a lot of regulations."</p>
<p>"So did I!"</p>
<p>Hotch raised an eyebrow, and Emily pulled her anger back under control with an effort. Hotch was the last person to deserve her frustration. "He's not even awake yet. Can't they give him a break?"</p>
<p>She didn't even try to keep the bitterness from her voice. Hadn't Clyde been through enough? A flicker of agreement shone in Hotch's eyes before it was covered by his usual professionalism. "The medical staff will be watching him. And he'll be glad to see you afterwards."</p>
<p>Emily certainly hoped so, but she couldn't help thinking that Clyde wasn't going to like anything she had to say. She forced that thought away. She had to do this, for both their sakes. The wait, though, that was going to be unpleasant.</p>
<p>"Would you like some company?"</p>
<p>Emily blinked. "Don't you have a mountain of paperwork?"</p>
<p>"Nothing that can't wait," said Hotch gently. "This is more important."</p>
<p>Not for the first time, Emily found herself swallowing down a lump in her throat. Hotch gave her a slight smile and sat back in his chair. "Tell me about Easter. Morgan tells me you've got some stories."</p>
<p>Emily shook her head. "Oh, I've got stories all right. He's saved my life a dozen times over, for starters."</p>
<p>Hotch gave an encouraging nod, and Emily let more pleasant memories fill her mind. There were worse ways to pass the time.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hours later, Emily once again found herself sat in the wheelchair outside Clyde's side room. Through the window she could see that Clyde's breathing tube had been removed and he was propped up on a pile of cushions, but his eyes were closed and if she didn't know better she'd think he was still unconscious. She swallowed and started to move back, only for Rossi's hand to tighten on her shoulder.</p>
<p>"I thought you wanted to talk to him."</p>
<p>"Of course I do," Emily hissed. "But look at him! He needs rest."</p>
<p>"Actually, he's waiting for you," said a passing nurse. She paused long enough to give Emily a sympathetic look. "Sorry, but he seemed very determined earlier."</p>
<p>Emily winced. That was Clyde all right. She nodded to the nurse, and took a deep breath. "Right. Okay."</p>
<p>Rossi patted her shoulder. "You both need this, Emily. You know that. Now, go on. You got this."</p>
<p>Emily gave him a shaky smile and wheeled herself over to the door. The nurse inside opened it immediately, and from the bed Clyde's eyes flickered open.</p>
<p>"Em?"</p>
<p>His voice was cracked and strained and the best thing Emily had ever heard. She pushed herself over to the bed and took his hand. "It's me," she managed. "I'm here."</p>
<p>Clyde's eyes widened as he took her in, and Emily forestalled the inevitable question, "I'm okay, really. I got shot while fighting with Doyle, but it's nothing. Or not exactly nothing," she amended, when his eyes narrowed, "but nothing too serious. The doctors say I'll be fine to go home in a few days."</p>
<p>Clyde let out a breath and his head fell back against the pillow. "Good," he rasped. "And you killed Doyle."</p>
<p>Someone must have filled him in. Emily nodded, and Clyde swallowed. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"No," said Emily fiercely. "I'm the one who needs to apologise. This is all my fault."</p>
<p>Clyde said nothing, but his blue eyes locked on hers. Emily took a breath. "I did know about Declan," she whispered. "I was the only person who did, and Doyle knew that. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Clyde gave a slow nod. His eyes didn't leave hers. "Tell me."</p>
<p>She needed to explain, and wanted to, but Emily found herself hesitating. Clyde was still in bad shape, and the last thing she wanted was to aggravate him at all, but Clyde met her gaze steadily.</p>
<p>"Emily. I need to understand."</p>
<p>Emily couldn't say no to that. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. "I learned the truth about Declan shortly before we moved against him," she began. "I know I should have told you, and I'm sorry, but I didn't want him involved."</p>
<p>Clyde nodded slowly. "Understandable."</p>
<p>Emily took a breath. This was going to be the hard part. "I moved him somewhere safe. He already thought the housekeeper was his mother, he was too young to know anything. But when Interpol sent back the profile…" She shook her head. "I knew they would find out. And I knew what they would do."</p>
<p>"So you acted first."</p>
<p>There was nothing in his voice. Emily nodded. "I contacted them. I told them that Doyle's enemies were looking for them. I staged their deaths, took photos, and sent them away."</p>
<p>There was a long silence once she finished. Clyde held her gaze, his bruised face unreadable. "Why didn't you tell me?"</p>
<p>"The fewer people who knew, the better," said Emily, and though it was true, she knew it was a poor excuse. If Clyde had known that Doyle thought his son had been murdered because of them he might have acted differently. Tsia, Sean and his family, they might still be alive. Guilt threatened to choke her, and she looked away. "I never thought that he would escape."</p>
<p>It was another long minute before Clyde spoke. "He shouldn't have been able to." He was quiet for a moment, then nodded. "Thank you for telling me."</p>
<p>Emily stared at him. "That's all you're going to say?"</p>
<p>Clyde sighed. "You made the best decision you could. I might have acted differently, but I'm not you." Emily flinched, but Clyde wasn't finished, "And Declan has a chance of a normal life because of it."</p>
<p>Emily looked up, unable to believe her ears. Clyde gave her a wan smile. "It's done. We can move on." His eyes flickered closed, and Emily had to strain to hear his next words, "I forgive you."</p>
<p>Tears filled Emily's eyes, and for the first time in a long time she let them fall. She had never thought she would hear those words. A weak sob escaped without her permission, then she started as Clyde touched her hand.</p>
<p>"Em?"</p>
<p>Emily shook her head. She had to take a moment to swallow down the lump in her throat before she could reply, "I am so sorry."</p>
<p>Clyde managed a weak huff. "Me too. I…I made mistakes too…"</p>
<p>Emily leaned forwards, frowning at the way his breath caught. "Shh, I know. Just breathe, okay?"</p>
<p>Clyde did so. His other hand was clenched on the sheets, and faint sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead. His breathing turned ragged, and the return of that awful rattle had Emily hitting the call button before she could even think about it. Clyde was too busy fighting for breath to even frown at her, which was the clearest indication of just how ill he was, and the nurse paled slightly as she entered the room.</p>
<p>"Out, please," she said to Emily, as she moved to Clyde's side.</p>
<p>Emily bit back her questions and wheeled herself back, pausing only to allow another nurse into the room before slipping out. Through the window she could see them huddling round the bed, then Rossi rejoined her.</p>
<p>"Let them work," he said gently. "They're taking good care of him, Emily."</p>
<p>Emily knew that, but she couldn't move. Rossi squeezed her shoulder. "He'll be okay. He's too stubborn to quit now."</p>
<p>Emily managed a weak laugh. "Damn right."</p>
<p>One of the nurses injected something into one of Clyde's cannulas, and after a minute some of the tension left her body. She spoke to the other nurse for a moment, then came to the door. "He wants to talk to you again."</p>
<p>Emily stared at her. "Is he okay?"</p>
<p>"Depends on your definition of okay," the nurse muttered. She shook her head. "He does need to rest, but a few minutes will be fine."</p>
<p>Emily didn't need further prompting. The nurse let her in, and Emily went straight to Clyde's side. "Are you all right?"</p>
<p>He didn't look it in the slightest, but he summoned a pained smile. "I will be. Anyway, I mean it, Em. This wasn't your fault."</p>
<p>Emily had plenty to say about that, but she could see Clyde had more to say and she didn't want to see him in pain like that again so she kept her mouth shut as he continued, "I should have told you where Doyle was. You deserved the truth."</p>
<p>Emily sighed. "Yes, but it wouldn't have changed anything."</p>
<p>Doyle would never have forgiven the people who caught him, and he certainly never would have forgiven her for taking Declan. He still would have come after them. In light of that, the details didn't really matter.</p>
<p>Clyde seemed to have come to the same conclusion. He gave her a tired nod. "It's done," he murmured. "All we can do is live with it."</p>
<p>His eyes dropped to her bandaged torso, and Emily touched his arm. "I'm fine," she repeated. "You're the one who's going to be stuck in here for a while." Clyde's smile turned slightly fixed, but Emily pressed on, "Just you wait. I'll be back to catching killers, and you'll be hunting down terrorists in no time."</p>
<p>Clyde actually flinched at that, and now Emily couldn't hold back her concern. "Clyde?"</p>
<p>There was a long pause, then Clyde sighed. "I'm afraid things won't be back to normal for a while."</p>
<p>Emily stared at him, anxiety beginning to bubble in the pit of her stomach. Clyde looked down. "Neither Interpol nor Six are very happy with me."</p>
<p>"Why not?" Emily demanded. "You helped bring down an international terrorist and serial killer."</p>
<p>Clyde's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. "I also released sensitive information about said terrorist without authorisation, and got myself involved in a foreign investigation. They're not too impressed."</p>
<p>Emily swallowed. She hadn't considered that Clyde's oaths had a different scope to hers. "Are you going to be all right?"</p>
<p>Clyde shrugged, then grimaced as the movement tugged at his chest wounds. He had to take a moment to catch his breath before he could reply. "There will be an investigation. Considering the scope, it's unlikely that it will be concluded by the time I return from medical leave."</p>
<p>And considering how extensive his recovery was going to be, that was not a good sign. Emily had to look away. "I'm sorry. If I-"</p>
<p>"Enough, Em," Clyde interrupted. "I knew what I was doing."</p>
<p>Emily would have argued, if he didn't look so dreadful. She managed to nod. "If there's anything I can do, you let me know."</p>
<p>Clyde gave her a weak smile. "I appreciate the thought, but I believe your Unit Chief has already got involved."</p>
<p>Warmth spread through Emily's chest. Hotch always had their backs. She didn't know how much influence he had, but if anyone could help Clyde it was her new boss. "Hotch is a good guy," she said. "He'll be able to help."</p>
<p>Clyde nodded, but he said nothing. Emily eyed him. His exhaustion was understandable, and she knew he had to be in a lot of pain, but there was something bothering him. The concern deepened, and after the last few days Emily couldn't help herself.</p>
<p>"There's something else. Something you're not telling me."</p>
<p>Clyde's eyes flashed to hers, and for a moment she wanted to back off but then common sense reasserted itself. Keeping secrets had caused enough harm to the two of them, and from the way Clyde's shoulders suddenly slumped it seemed he felt the same way.</p>
<p>"The surgeons came by," he said. His voice was so soft she had to strain to hear it. "There is extensive damage to my foot and ankle. They're not sure if they'll be able to fix it."</p>
<p>Emily's heart skipped a beat. Clyde's eyes were completely blank as he continued, "And they've found signs of an infection."</p>
<p>It took far too long for Emily to process that information. It took a moment longer for her voice to start working. "What are they going to do?"</p>
<p>Clyde looked away. "They're talking about a below knee amputation."</p>
<p>Emily was glad she was already sitting down. Clyde's voice was carefully devoid of emotion, but she could see the way his fingers were trembling on the blankets. Clyde was a soldier and a spy and one of the best agents Emily had ever known, but this…</p>
<p>"Clyde-"</p>
<p>"Emily," Clyde interrupted. "Don't. Please."</p>
<p>Emily hesitated, guilt threatening to overwhelm her, but Clyde seemed on the verge of cracking and she had never seen him look like that and she couldn't bear it now and so she forced the guilt away and gripped Clyde's hand hard enough that he looked back at her.</p>
<p>"We're going to get through this," she insisted. "I swear. I'm not leaving, not this time. We can do this, together."</p>
<p>Clyde's eyes were wide with shock as they met hers, but she just squeezed his hand tighter. Clyde might not blame her, but she was part of this. A voice that sounded like Doyle's whispered in the back of her mind that he never would have been so badly hurt if he hadn't fought so hard for her, that this was all her fault, that she had brought nothing but pain to everyone she had ever loved and that the world would be better off without her.</p>
<p>Clyde's grip tightened convulsively on hers, and Emily shoved the whispers of guilt down again. Clyde needed her. The rest of their team was dead, because of her. She couldn't make things right, but she could be there for Clyde.</p>
<p>They were last ones left, and she was done running.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emily's physical recovery is going well. Mentally, not so much. Clyde has the opposite problem.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: this chapter contains discussions of an upcoming amputation.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’ve been very quiet.”</p>
<p>Emily let out a long breath, and forced her eyes open again. “Physical therapy is tiring.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a lie, her whole body ached and she didn’t think she could move even if she wanted to, but JJ fixed her with a knowing look. “Come on, Emily,” she said gently. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>Emily suppressed a sigh with an effort. Having JJ back was wonderful, and welcome return to something that kind of resembled normality, but her friend knew her far too well. JJ leaned forward, her beautiful face creased in concern.</p>
<p>“The doctor said you should be able to leave in a few days.”</p>
<p>Emily nodded. She had been lucky, all things considered. The last time she was shot she had been stuck in hospital for nearly three weeks. Unfortunately, her upcoming discharge was part of the problem. “They also said that I shouldn’t be home alone.”</p>
<p>JJ quirked an eyebrow at her. “That’s pretty understandable. You did get shot.”</p>
<p>“I’m okay.”</p>
<p>She was eating actual food now, and she could make it to the bathroom, as long as she had something to hold onto on the way. Bending over was more of a challenge, and lifting anything out of the question, but she was coping. She was doing fine.</p>
<p>JJ just sighed.</p>
<p>“Emily. Please.”</p>
<p>The compassion in her eyes hurt. Emily fiddled with her phone, unable to meet that steady gaze. “I know,” she finally muttered. “But I just want to go home and forget all this.”</p>
<p>It was an impossible dream. She knew that. She was doing well, but she needed help still, and would do for a few weeks at least. And Clyde…</p>
<p>Emily flinched away from that thought. She had had a day to process Clyde’s revelation, and it still made her sick to her stomach. She didn’t know how she would manage the next few weeks, and she still had all her limbs. She checked her messages, desperate for a distraction, and looked up in time to see JJ’s eyes tighten.</p>
<p>“I would invite you to stay, but with Henry…” She trailed off with a grimace. Emily reached over to touch her hand.</p>
<p>“I get it,” she said gently. She looked down. “I…I haven’t been sleeping well.”</p>
<p>She had seen Doyle almost every night. More than one of the nurses had woken her from nightmares. The last thing she wanted to do was disturb Henry. JJ paled slightly.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Emily.” She paused. “Have you talked to anyone?”</p>
<p>Emily shook her head. “I will,” she promised. “But, not yet.”</p>
<p>JJ didn’t look convinced, but Emily could hardly blame her for that. None of them were good at talking about their own problems. She shook her head and changed the subject. “I hear you’re coming back to the BAU.”</p>
<p>JJ eyed her, but visibly decided to let it go and smiled. “That’s the plan. I’m still working on it, but I’m hopeful.”</p>
<p>“That’s wonderful,” said Emily fervently. “We’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>It just hadn’t been the same without JJ. JJ squeezed her hand. “I missed you all too. There is going to be one change though. Not a bad one,” she said quickly, when Emily tensed. “I’m taking the profiler’s course.”</p>
<p>Emily let out a long breath. “Don’t scare me like that! But that’s great news! You’ll be an amazing profiler.”</p>
<p>“I hope so,” said JJ. “It’s going well so far.”</p>
<p>“Good,” said Emily with a smile. Her phone buzzed again and she reached for it, but though the baby panda pictures from Garcia were a welcome relief it wasn’t the message she had been hoping for and she dropped it with a sigh.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?”</p>
<p>Emily blinked up. JJ nodded to her phone. “You seem to be waiting for something?”</p>
<p>She had never been able to hide anything from JJ, and that was before she started training as a profiler. Emily sighed. “They’re transferring Clyde out of the ICU today.”</p>
<p>JJ made a soft noise of understanding, and Emily nodded. “He’ll be on the next ward over. He promised to let me know when he’s settled.”</p>
<p>“That’s good,” said JJ gently. “How’s he doing?”</p>
<p>Emily’s mouth went dry. She hadn’t told any of the team about the complications in Clyde’s case; it wasn’t her place to do so, and Clyde wanted time to process it. JJ’s eyes narrowed, and Emily spoke before she could say anything.</p>
<p>“Better. The neurosurgeons aren’t so worried about his head injury, and for once he’s actually being good about taking his pain meds.”</p>
<p>That wouldn’t last long, but for now the nurses were keeping a close eye on him. JJ knew her better than that though, and she frowned. “There’s something else.”</p>
<p>Emily closed her eyes. She couldn't hurt Clyde, wouldn’t, but she had to tell her friends something. She looked up to meet JJ’s worried gaze. “He needs more operations on his foot,” she said quietly. “It’s not… He’s worried about it.”</p>
<p>JJ winced in sympathy. Emily looked down at her blank phone screen. “I want to be there for him. None of this would have happened if he had just stayed away.”</p>
<p>“You know he never could have done that,” JJ pointed out. “And I for one am glad.” Emily stared at her, but JJ met her gaze without flinching. “Because if he had then you might be dead, and not one of us could ever think that was the better option.”</p>
<p>Emily opened her mouth, then closed it again. That wasn’t exactly something she could argue with. If she were in Clyde’s position she would have done exactly the same thing, and in the exact same way. JJ smiled at her. “I know it’s easier said than done, but you can’t keep blaming yourself. None of this was your fault.”</p>
<p>Emily attempted a smile, but it faded quickly. JJ was right. That didn’t make it any easier to accept. JJ sighed, but before she could say anything Emily’s phone screen lit up. Emily grabbed for it and smiled.</p>
<p>“Clyde’s ready.” She threw the blankets aside, then winced as the sudden movements made her injuries throb. JJ caught her arm.</p>
<p>“Slow down. You don’t have to get there straight away. Let me find a wheelchair.”</p>
<p>Emily took the chance to collect herself. The last thing Clyde needed was to be worrying about her. She messaged back to tell him she was on her way, then smiled as JJ returned with the wheelchair. “Thanks, JJ.”</p>
<p>“No problem. I talked to the nurses too, they’re fine with it.”</p>
<p>Emily had been planning to go whatever the staff said, but she had the sense not to say as much. Judging from the gleam of amusement in JJ’s eyes, she didn’t need to. Emily ran a hand through her hair to get out the worst of the tangles, and eased herself into the wheelchair.</p>
<p>“I don’t really need this thing, you know. I walked further this morning.”</p>
<p>“Under the supervision of a physiotherapist,” said JJ. “I don’t think I can catch you if you fall. At least, not without tearing your stitches and getting you stuck in here for even longer.”</p>
<p>Emily pulled a face. “Okay, you’ve made your point.”</p>
<p>JJ nodded, a smile tugging at her lips, but refrained from pressing the matter as she pushed Emily through to the next ward. Emily stopped her a few doors away.</p>
<p>“I can definitely handle six feet, and I don’t want him worrying about me.”</p>
<p>Thankfully JJ didn’t argue. She did stay close as Emily moved carefully to the door and knocked.</p>
<p>“Come in.”</p>
<p>“I’ll wait out here,” JJ began, but Emily shook her head.</p>
<p>“He’d like to meet you.”</p>
<p>He had mentioned wanting to meet the people who had saved his life, and now was as good a time as any. Emily pushed open the door and smiled to see Clyde sitting up. He still looked far too pale, his skin was almost grey under the bruises, but he gave a warm smile at her entrance.</p>
<p>“Emily. You’re looking better.”</p>
<p>“I feel better,” said Emily. “The surgeons say I can head home in a few days.” She settled into one of the chairs and glanced back at JJ. “This is my friend, Jennifer Jareau. JJ, Clyde Easter.”</p>
<p>“Charmed,” said Clyde, with what was a good attempt at his usual cocky smile. “I understand I owe you a great deal.”</p>
<p>JJ shook her head, a slight smile playing about her own lips. “You helped Emily when we couldn’t. The pleasure is all mine.”</p>
<p>Clyde inclined his head, his smile fading. “Still. Thank you.” He looked at Emily. “How are you, Emily?”</p>
<p>“I told you,” said Emily. “I’m a lot better.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but that doesn’t really answer my question.” His hand went to his chest for a moment before he dropped it again. “Come on, Em. Humour me.”</p>
<p>Emily’s protests died on her lips. She looked Clyde over again, this time taking in the dark bags under his eyes and the tremor in his fingers, and shifted her chair so that she could take his hand. “I’m okay,” she said softly. “Really. I’m eating properly, I’m walking, and I’m taking all my medicine.” She managed a smile that almost felt genuine. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”</p>
<p>Clyde held her gaze for a long moment before a little of the tension left his face, and he gave her a faint smile. Emily ached to give him a hug, but that was more physical contact than he was comfortable with on a good day, and she settled for squeezing his fingers.</p>
<p>“I’m more worried about you,” she said gently.</p>
<p>As she’d expected, he immediately shook his head. “You shouldn’t be.”</p>
<p>Emily just looked at him, and this time he was the one who looked away. Emily chewed on her lip, desperate to press him but unwilling to stress him further, but Clyde spoke again before she could decide.</p>
<p>“The surgeons will be coming round tomorrow morning.” His voice was barely audible, and Emily had to lean in closer. “If the infection has spread…”</p>
<p>He trailed off, eyes drifting closed. Emily swallowed. She could feel JJ’s eyes burning into her back, but kept her focus on Clyde. “They’ll do everything they can,” she said finally. “It…They’ll only do it if there’s no other choice.”</p>
<p>Clyde said nothing, but a fierce shudder wracked his body. His grip tightened convulsively around hers, and Emily’s stomach lurched at the first sign of fear she had seen from him. Her eyes burned, and she had to take a moment before she could try to say anything.</p>
<p>“Clyde-”</p>
<p>“Emily,” Clyde interrupted. “Can we not? Please.”</p>
<p>Of course he wouldn’t want to talk about it. Emily cast desperately about for a change of subject. “Have you heard anything from Interpol?”</p>
<p>Clyde’s face smoothed into a blank mask, and Emily felt her cheeks burn. Of all the things she could have said, she found the worst possible topic. “I mean, uh…”</p>
<p>“Actually, I might have some news on that front.”</p>
<p>Emily jumped. She had nearly forgotten that JJ was still in the room. Clyde’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he just cocked his head in silent enquiry. JJ moved so that she was standing next to Emily.</p>
<p>“Hotch has been talking to them,” she said. “They asked for my input.”</p>
<p>Not for the first time, Emily wondered just what JJ had been doing for the last six months. There was no way her friend had just been sitting behind a desk all this time.</p>
<p>“They’re not happy,” she said bluntly. “But in light of Doyle’s most recent killing spree, they’re feeling slightly more understanding.”</p>
<p>Emily let out a breath. That could only be a good thing. Clyde though, still didn’t look happy. “How they’re feeling is irrelevant,” he said quietly. He pulled away from Emily and folded his arms. “Shafiq came by earlier. I’m suspended.”</p>
<p>Emily stared, but JJ was already shaking her head. “With pay, and you have a lot of support among your colleagues.”</p>
<p>Clyde’s eyes widened, and the confusion there was enough to erode the last of Emily’s patience. “You’re suspended?”</p>
<p>“That was always going to happen,” said Clyde, but he didn’t meet her gaze.</p>
<p>“Clyde-”</p>
<p>“I knew the risks, Emily. Better suspended than dead.”</p>
<p>Emily frowned at the rare curtness. Clyde closed his eyes for a moment, then let his head fall back against the pillow. “I’m sorry, Em. I’m bad company at the moment.”</p>
<p>He sounded calm, if tired, but every one of Emily’s instincts suddenly screamed a warning. Next to her, she felt JJ stiffen, but she leaned forward to touch Clyde’s arm. “You’ve never been bad company,” she said. “Not even during that mission in Dubai.”</p>
<p>She had been hoping for a smile, but she would take the slight lightening of the frown the comment earned her. She squeezed his arm. “Hey, look at me.”</p>
<p>It took a moment, but he finally looked up at her. Emily’s mouth was suddenly bone dry, and she had to swallow hard before she could say anything. “I should have said this earlier.”</p>
<p>“Emily-”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Clyde.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t nearly enough for everything that she wanted to say. Clyde stared at her for a long second, then shook his head. “You’ve said that already.” He started to push himself upright, then fell back with a stifled groan.</p>
<p>“Clyde?”</p>
<p>Emily stood, ignoring the pain that shot through her own stomach, but JJ was in the way. She helped Clyde back down again, and kept one hand on his shoulder. “Sit down, Emily,” she said, over her shoulder. “Agent Easter, the surgeons spent a lot of time stitching you up, I don’t think they’d appreciate having to re-do their hard work.”</p>
<p>Clyde’s eyes were very wide as he stared up at her. Emily sat back down, a wry smile touching her lips. It was remarkably difficult to defy JJ when she put her foot down. Clyde finally let himself rest back, and JJ gave him a warm smile.</p>
<p>“That’s better. Would you like anything?”</p>
<p>“No, thank you,” said Clyde. The last of the colour had drained from his face and he had one arm pressed tight against his chest, but he was already refocusing on Emily. “Are you all right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just moved a little fast.” The pain was fading, but her stomach was still aching. JJ checked her watch and frowned.</p>
<p>“It’s time for your next lot of painkillers.”</p>
<p>“That can wait,” Emily began, but Clyde was already shaking his head.</p>
<p>“Go on, Emily.” He forced a smile. “I’m under strict orders to get as much rest as possible anyway.”</p>
<p>Emily hesitated, but she didn’t stand a chance against both Clyde and JJ. “All right,” she said. “But if you need anything…”</p>
<p>Clyde’s smile softened into something a little more genuine. “I know.” After a beat, he added, “Will you come back tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“As soon as they let me,” Emily promised. She stood up, more carefully this time, and shuffled forward to touch his hand. “And if you need me, call and I’ll come anyway.”</p>
<p>“Or one of us will come,” said JJ. She raised an eyebrow when both Emily and Clyde blinked at her. “You need your rest,” she said to Emily, before turning to Clyde. “I’ll understand if you’d rather talk to Emily, or one of your colleagues, but if you call me, or any of us, we will answer.”</p>
<p>She laid a card with their contact details on his bedside table, then paused. “I meant what I said earlier. Agent Shafiq said that a number of your colleagues had spoken in your defence, and she was sympathetic herself. You’re not alone in this.”</p>
<p>Emily had really missed JJ. Clyde still looked like he couldn’t quite understand what was happening, and Emily shuffled forward to take his hand. “I told you I wasn’t leaving this time,” she said. Clyde’s eyes widened a little, but Emily wasn’t finished. “You risked everything for me. I know what helping me has cost you.” She couldn’t help a quick glance at his bandaged foot, at the leg that he might lose because of her, and had to swallow before she could continue, “Please. Let me help.”</p>
<p>“Let us help,” JJ corrected.</p>
<p>Clyde looked between them for a long moment, then he shook his head. “I was your team leader,” he said. “I’m responsible for everything that happened regarding that mission. It was my job to see it through.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your job to taunt a psychopath into torturing you,” Emily protested. Concern coiled in her gut as she looked at him. “Clyde-”</p>
<p>“And even if it wasn’t, it was still better than letting it happen to you.”</p>
<p>For a long moment, Emily could only stare at him. He met her gaze steadily, without a trace of hesitation, and Emily’s head spun. She wasn’t worth that. She opened her mouth, not knowing what she was going to say but knowing she had to say something, but before she could find any words JJ laid a hand on her shoulder.</p>
<p>“I think you both need to rest,” she said gently. </p>
<p>Emily finally tore her eyes from Clyde’s and managed a nod. Her stomach was starting to protest standing for so long, but she forced the discomfort aside long enough to bend down and press a quick kiss to his temple. He started, eyes widening, and Emily smiled.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Clyde stared at her, then shook his head. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Emily straightened very carefully and shuffled after JJ. At the door she paused and glanced back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>The corner of Clyde’s mouth twitched into a dry smile. “I’ll be here.”</p>
<p>Emily didn’t want to leave. She still couldn’t help feeling like something terrible would happen the moment she did. JJ was right, though, and she didn’t argue when her friend moved the wheelchair closer. Emily eased herself down and slumped back.</p>
<p>“Thanks, JJ.”</p>
<p>“Any time,” JJ murmured.</p>
<p>Neither of them spoke again until they got back to Emily’s room. JJ helped her back into bed, but paused before going to talk to the nurses. Her expression was difficult to read, and Emily eyed her.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>JJ hesitated, then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. More importantly, are you okay?”</p>
<p>Emily forced down the automatic reassurance. She had done too much lying to her friends lately. Besides, she couldn’t ignore the emotions bubbling in her gut. “He shouldn’t have done all that,” she said finally. “I could have taken it. I hurt Doyle worse than anyone else. He should have let me…”</p>
<p>She trailed off, unable to work out what she wanted to say. JJ sighed.</p>
<p>“And that right there is exactly why he couldn’t,” she said. “He couldn’t bear to see you hurt, Emily, and I know you hated every second of watching it too,” she added, when Emily started to protest. “But if I know that then so did he. He wasn’t going to let it happen.”</p>
<p>Emily let her mouth fall shut. Clyde had always been the best of them at taking advantage of a situation; there was a reason he had been the team leader. She had just never expected he would use his skills like that.</p>
<p>She should have. She should have known better, just like she should have known that he would never betray her. The guilt she had spent the last week trying and failing to suppress surged up again, bringing bile to her throat. If she had just known better…</p>
<p>“Emily?”</p>
<p>It took all the energy Emily had left to meet JJ’s eyes. Her friend eyed her warily. “Emily, it was his choice. You can’t blame yourself for it.”</p>
<p>Perhaps not, but no one ever said guilt was logical. Emily nodded, too numb to do anything else, and JJ sighed again. “You should get some sleep,” she said. She leaned down to give Emily a quick hug. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Hopefully the others will be too.”</p>
<p>Emily forced a smile at that. She had missed them. JJ lingered a moment, her blue eyes still shadowed with concern, but Emily closed her eyes and heard the door close quietly behind her a few seconds later.</p>
<p>The moment she was gone, Emily’s smile faded. She was healing well. She would be going home in a few days. She would be back to normal in a few weeks, while Clyde…</p>
<p>Sleep was a long time coming.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Emily didn’t sleep well. Doyle’s smile taunted her in her dreams; the smile he’d worn when he branded her, the smile he’d worn while he carved up Clyde’s chest, the smile he’d worn when he’d looked at her and seen Lauren. She woke gasping for breath and biting back cries and didn’t dare risk closing her eyes again.</p>
<p>This shouldn’t be happening. Doyle was dead. He had no power over her any more.</p>
<p>But her chest bore his brand and Clyde could be disabled and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get him out of her head. If she had been smarter, faster, plain better at her job, then this would never have happened, he never would have come after them, and Clyde…</p>
<p>“Knock, knock.”</p>
<p>Garcia’s voice dragged her out of her spiral with a jolt. Emily looked up, heart pounding, to find Penelope in the doorway, Reid at her shoulder. It took her a moment to summon a smile.</p>
<p>“Hey. When did you get back?”</p>
<p>Their smiles had faded though, and with a sinking heart Emily realised she hadn’t covered well enough. Penelope set her basket of goodies on the table and planted her hands on her hips. “Did you sleep at all?”</p>
<p>“Maybe a couple of hours,” said Emily. “How was the case?”</p>
<p>Reid’s eyes narrowed as he looked her up and down. “Closed. Are you having nightmares?”</p>
<p>She should have known she wouldn’t get away with it. Emily sighed and let her head fall back against the pillows. “Some.”</p>
<p>Penelope made a soft noise. “Oh, Emily. Is there anything we can do?”</p>
<p>“I’ve read a lot of studies on trauma recovery and PTSD,” said Reid. He perched next to Penelope. “With everything that Doyle did to you, on top of your experiences with him before-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we are not doing this now,” Emily interrupted. At Reid’s kicked puppy look, she relented a little, “I know I’ve got stuff to work through, but not now.” She waved a vague hand at her stomach. “Let me deal with this first.”</p>
<p>Penelope was chewing on her lip. “I thought you were doing well.”</p>
<p>“I am,” Emily hastened to reassure her. “The doctors are actually planning on releasing me soon.” She gave a slightly sardonic smile.”Of course they also said I shouldn’t be at home alone, so now I need to work that out too.”</p>
<p>“I think Rossi had some ideas about that,” said Reid. “He’s going to stop by this afternoon.” He glanced at her monitors before looking back at her. “But Emily, the things you’ve been through-”</p>
<p>“Not now, Spencer,” Emily repeated. “I will deal with it, I promise, but not now.”</p>
<p>Reid didn’t look convinced, but he stopped arguing. Emily took a breath and focused on Penelope. “But I do need a favour.”</p>
<p>“Name it,” said Penelope instantly. Her eyes sparkled behind her colourful glasses. “Ooh, do you want me to bring by some of your clothes? They’re releasing you soon, right? Oh, and I’m sure I could sneak Serge in!” She turned a cheeky grin up at Reid. “I’m sure Doctor Reid can cause a nice distraction.”</p>
<p>Emily had to laugh, at both the idea and the horror on Reid’s face. It hurt her stomach, but it was so worth it. Penelope’s grin widened in satisfaction, and Emily finally pulled herself together.</p>
<p>“Nothing like that,” she said. “I just need my tablet.”</p>
<p>Garcia’s mirth vanished in an instant. “Emily Prentiss, if you even think about doing work while only a few days recovered from a shooting then so help me I will lock your internet access for a year!”</p>
<p>Emily resisted the urge to talk about pots and kettles and shook her head. “No work, I promise. I’ve got some research to do.”</p>
<p>Her genius friends blinked in identical curiosity. Emily glanced past them, just in case, and lowered her voice. “It’s for Clyde.”</p>
<p>Penelope swallowed. Reid’s eyes narrowed, and Emily had to look away. “His foot… It’s not looking good. If they do need to…”</p>
<p>She couldn’t say the words, and had to swallow before she could continue, “I want to help. I just don’t know how.”</p>
<p>Penelope had gone very pale. “Is it certain then? There’s nothing they can do?”</p>
<p>“His chances aren’t very good,” said Reid quietly. “The severity of the injury, the environment, the delay in treatment…”</p>
<p>He trailed off abruptly, and Emily glanced up in time to see the startled look he gave Penelope. Penelope studiously ignored him; instead squeezing Emily’s hand. Emily tore her mind from the memories of their captivity and shook her head.</p>
<p>“The surgeons should be seeing him this morning. They… I guess they’ll decide then.”</p>
<p>“Then there’s still a chance,” said Penelope firmly. “Don’t give up yet.”</p>
<p>Reid bit his lip. He seemed to be taking great interest in his shoelaces. Emily swallowed. She knew the truth, Reid did, and she would bet anything that Clyde did too. Penelope sighed and straightened.</p>
<p>“I’ll bring your tablet by later.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” said Emily. She took a steadying breath and looked at Reid. “If you have any ideas, Spence…”</p>
<p>“I’ve read a few relevant studies,” he said immediately. “I’ll bring them round.” He hesitated, hazel eyes studying her. “Do you think he’ll let you help?”</p>
<p>Emily swallowed. “I hope so.”</p>
<p>She would have struggled to ask for help, was finding it hard even now, but Clyde was alone in a foreign country. She had to try.</p>
<p>That was a problem for later though. She shook herself, and forced a smile for her friends.</p>
<p>“Anyway, enough about us. How’s Seaver getting on?”</p>
<p>Reid’s eyes narrowed. He cocked his head to one side, but Penelope coughed and sat up. “She’s okay. Back at the Academy for final exams, that’s why she hasn’t visited. She sends her apologies and best wishes.”</p>
<p>Emily nodded. “She’ll pass with flying colours. I wouldn’t be surprised if she asked to stay with the BAU once she graduates.”</p>
<p>Though with JJ already set to return, she might find her request denied. Emily wasn’t too worried. Seaver was smart and capable; she would succeed wherever she ended up. Reid gave a small smile.</p>
<p>“She promised to keep in touch either way,” he said. He looked away, but not before they saw the blush touch his cheeks. Emily caught Penelope’s eye and they hid their grins in unison. Penelope coughed.</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear from you.”</p>
<p>Reid’s smile softened, but his reply was interrupted by a knock at the door. A nurse entered a moment later, and nodded to Emily. “My apologies, Agent Prentiss, but there’s a been a call from Ward 305.”</p>
<p>Emily’s stomach lurched. She had thrown off the covers before Penelope could find her voice, “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“That’s where Clyde is,” said Emily shortly. She ignored the tug of her stitches, and nodded her thanks to Reid as he pushed the wheelchair over. “Is he all right?”</p>
<p>The nurse shook her head. “They just asked for you to visit when convenient.”</p>
<p>That was more than enough. If Clyde was actually asking for help for once then she wasn’t going to wait for him to change his mind. Penelope frowned as she helped Emily into the wheelchair, but she took the handles without trying to argue. Reid held the door open for them.</p>
<p>“What do you think’s happened?”</p>
<p>Emily glanced at the clock. “I have an idea,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>Reid followed her gaze. His eyes closed for a moment. “The doctors will have finished their rounds.”</p>
<p>Emily took a shaky breath. They had all been expecting bad news. That didn’t make actually receiving it any easier. She said nothing though. There was still a chance that he would be okay.</p>
<p>The blinds of Clyde’s room were closed, and the look on the nurse’s face confirmed her fears. Emily glanced at Reid and Penelope.</p>
<p>“I might be a while.”</p>
<p>“We’ll go and get a coffee,” said Penelope. “Call us if you need anything.”</p>
<p>“Good luck,” said Reid quietly.</p>
<p>Emily managed a small smile. She was going to need it. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. “Clyde? It’s me.”</p>
<p>There was a long pause, then came a quiet, “Come in.”</p>
<p>Emily flinched at the complete lack of emotion in his voice. She took a moment to control herself, then eased herself to her feet and opened the door.</p>
<p>Clyde somehow looked even worse than he had the previous day. The shadows under his eyes were darker than ever, and his hair stuck up in every direction, as if he’d repeatedly run his hands through it. There was no colour at all in his face, making the technicolour bruises stand out even more vividly, but it was his eyes that set Emily’s heart pounding.</p>
<p>It was said that the eyes were windows to the soul. Even in the midst of their most disturbing, traumatising cases, Clyde’s spirit had shone through. Whether overworked, exhausted, or injured, Clyde had never given up. His had been the fire that kept them all going during even the worst of cases.</p>
<p>Now, there was nothing behind those blue eyes. There wasn’t so much as a flicker as he looked at Emily. He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. Emily swallowed, and crossed the room to perch on the bed.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Clyde stared blankly up at the ceiling. “It was to be expected. The circumstances were hardly ideal.”</p>
<p>His hands were trembling on the sheets. Emily hesitated, then reached forward to take his hands in hers. They were cool to the touch, and Clyde tensed at the contact but didn’t draw away. Emily bit her lip. None of her training had covered how to deal with this.</p>
<p>“I…What did they say?”</p>
<p>Clyde sighed. “The usual. Antibiotics haven’t worked. The damage is too extensive to debride. If they don’t act soon, the infection will spread and I’ll end up losing more of the leg.”</p>
<p>Emily swallowed. Clyde continued without looking at her, “I’ll be going to theatre as soon as there’s one free.”</p>
<p>“That soon?” Emily whispered.</p>
<p>Clyde closed his eyes. “Best get it over with.”</p>
<p>Emily opened her mouth, then closed it again. Clyde was doing a good job of maintaining his composure, but Emily had seen him in the harshest of situations and knew what he looked like when he was on the brink of falling apart. Fine tremors wracked his body and he was still staring at the ceiling, and something inside Emily broke.</p>
<p>This was all her fault. She was the one who should be paying for it, but even as guilt threatened to rise Clyde’s breathing hitched and Emily gave herself a fierce mental shake. This was no time to be indulging her own guilt. Clyde needed her. She didn’t know how to help, but she had to do something.</p>
<p>“How can I help?”</p>
<p>Clyde blinked, and for the first time since her arrival his eyes focused on her. He hesitated a moment, then shook his head. “It has to be done, Emily.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” said Emily quietly. “What can I do to help?”</p>
<p>Clyde continued to stare at her, his blue eyes blank, and Emily found her vision blurring. She leaned forward to grip Clyde’s shoulder, and when he didn’t react she pulled him into a hug. He stiffened at the contact, but just as Emily was about to give up and apologise and try something else something seemed to break. His arms came around her, breath catching in a strangled sob, and Emily let her own tears fall as she held him.</p>
<p>“I’m here, Clyde,” she whispered. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>How long she held him, she didn’t know. Her gown was soaked with tears by the time he drew away, but when he did his eyes were clear. “Thank you, Emily.”</p>
<p>Emily rubbed a hand over her face, and attempted a smile. “I said any time. I meant it.”</p>
<p>Clyde nodded. He drew in a shaky breath, and wiped the last of the tears from his eyes. When he looked back at her, there was something of his usual resolve back in his face. “I’ll be all right, Em,” he said softly. “I…It will be hard. A lot is going to change, but I’m alive. It could be a lot worse.”</p>
<p>Emily stared at him. That was not the reaction she had been expecting. Clyde caught her eye, and his mouth twisted into a humourless smile. “I’m not all right right now,” he admitted. “But losing a leg isn’t the end of the world. I’ll survive.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t that simple. They both knew that. There was no telling what the full extent of the physical and mental effects would be, but it would mean massive adjustments to every aspect of Clyde’s daily life. It would mean weeks and months of physical therapy, changes to his living situation, and certainly wouldn’t do his mental health any good.</p>
<p>It would be the end of his career as an active field agent.</p>
<p>“Emily.”</p>
<p>Emily looked up. Clyde was watching her, his eyes tired but steady. “There is something you can do for me.”</p>
<p>“Anything,” said Emily immediately.</p>
<p>Clyde took her hand. “Stop blaming yourself.”</p>
<p>Emily’s mouth went bone dry. Clyde squeezed her hand gently. “It was my choice to get involved. I knew the risks. Doyle did the rest. None of this was your fault.”</p>
<p>“But if I-”</p>
<p>“Please, Emily. Don’t do this.”</p>
<p>Emily swallowed down the argument she wanted to make. Clyde looked better, but she could still read the tension in every line of his body. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about her on top of everything else.</p>
<p>So she nodded. She summoned a smile, and squeezed his hand back.</p>
<p>“Okay, but you focus on getting better. Don’t worry about me.”</p>
<p>Clyde’s eyes narrowed, but after a moment he inclined his head. His eyes flickered in the direction of his bandaged foot and he shivered. His jaw worked for a moment, and Emily leaned forward.</p>
<p>“Want me to stay until they take you for your surgery?”</p>
<p>Clyde was tough to read, but his relief at her words was obvious. Emily didn’t make him say it. “C’mon, I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>Clyde’s smile was small, but real, and Emily’s resolve hardened. She could indulge her guilt later. Right now, Clyde needed her. She would not let him down.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Any feedback would be appreciated.</p><p>Come and find me on tumblr for more fanfic stuff. https://izzyaro.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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